Who Are You?!?

1. Who are you in the eyes/perception of others?
To others who know me and who I am friends with, I think they would say that I am a nice, loyal guy who is always there if someone needs help with anything. I am a guy that doesn't make trouble and is cool to be around with. I'm usually the one tries to lighten the mood in the room and just goof off. I'm usually the counselor of people because I want to help people out.

2. How do you see/perceive yourself?
To me, I see myself as a lapdog sort of. I am always friendly with people and I'm loyal and obedient. It's real messed up to see myself like a dog, but that's how I feel sometimes. I do nice things for people, not because I want something in return, but because i was just trained to do so. If the owner of the dog tells the dog o do something, the dog does it no questions asked. I'm kind of the same way, if I'm asked to do something, I do it no problem. I usually don't question anybody and it takes a lot for me to question them.

I always feel that whatever I do is not good enough and I am always trying to make things perfect. I always feel like I'm not good enough for anybody and that I'm destined to be by myself. I see myself as a whose meant to make people happy, but never really be happy. My happiness I guess would come from seeing others happy.

3. Why are you here? (your definition of here)
I could say a bullshit answer and say I'm here because my mom and dad got wasted and did the mattress mambo, but I won't. I'm here because I want to better myself. I want to be able to get a job doing something I love and not just slinging burgers for the rest of my life. I want to make myself better and have a job that will provide for me and my family in the future.

4. What are the implications of your identity to others? (you decide to whom the implications apply - you or others, but be specific)
My identity has a big impact on me because it defines who I am and how people will see me. My identity sets the tone for how people will interact with me or if I get the chance to interact with people. My identity is what makes me... me and there's no running away from that. I accept it and keep it moving.

5. How are you effected by the identity of others? (are you different around various people - why might that be)
Yes I am effected by the identities of others. It doesn't effect my a lot, but it does change how I act somewhat and how I talk a little bit. If I am around the people I live around, I'll talk differently than how I would talk if I was at school. I guess in reality I would fall somewhere in between the two realms. I guess I talk that way while I'm with my friends because I feel comfortable around them a little bit since I've known them for such a long time, but with my friends at school I feel like I have so much more in common.

6. Is identity static? (make sure to show in your project your answer to this)
Yes and No. Your identity never stays static, as you age, your identity ages with you. You don't partake or act the same when you're 18 as when you're 81. The only time your identity stays static is when you are six feet under.

What the Bleep and final project/course reflection

Watching the movie raised a lot things about myself. As I watched the movie, I was relating to Amanda. Watching her just try to get through the day and always thinking tha whatever you do, that nothing good will come out of it. Amanda always looked at everything on a surface level rather that looking deeper, I do the same thing most of the time. It's a frame of mind that is hard to get out of and takes a lot of time to break that habit.

The movie didn't really help me with critical thinking on assignments and work, but it helped me out dramatically on thinking about myself. I've come to realize that I am my worse enemy literally. I've put myself into a defensive shell where I hate anything I do or how I look and always look to try and change whatever I do.

I've always put myself down because I always thought that I couldn't do anything good at all. Now, I try to break out of that habbit, but there are times when I fall back and it just starts to snowball and builds until it just puts in a bad place.

I've learned that it's really on me when it comes to things about myself. I shouldn't let outside forces turn me into a person that I don't want to become.

Fear Project*

My project I tried to take a serious turn, but I kept struggling with taking a look at myself and figuring out what I fear most. There are things that I fear, but not to the point of it being crippling, well at least I don't think it's crippling, but the one thing I fear and hate the most is... STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE.

I admit, I can't talk, I use to do dumbass things when I was young, for example, I went into an abandoned school with friends and got lost. I somehow ended up on the roof and couldn't figure out a way down. So me being the dumbass I am, I jump off the roof. I fell about ten feet and hurt myself a little bit. A buddy of mine saw me jump and looked to see if I was OK and after that he decided to pull out a ladder from the roof and climbed down to help me up. When I saw him climb down, the only thought that came to me at the time was, "WHERE THE FUCK did that ladder come from?"

It's something about being around your friends or a large group of people that makes people want to either act dumb or do things that they would never do if they were by themselves. I will show a couple of clips that show why sometimes I'm afraid of people rather than a certain thing.

Food + Dumbasses = Trouble
http://ilpvideo.com/video.php?v=MjU4NTk
In this clip, these two ladies get mad at an employee at McDonalds. You can't hear what was said, but by the slap that the employee gave, you can tell it's about to go down. I don't know if he messed up their order, but this is what happens when "keepin' it real, goes wrong".

Don't Aid Dumbasses with their Dumbassery
http://ilpvideo.com/video.php?v=MjU3NDE
Now, if a guy challenges you to hit them, why in the hell would you do it. Wouldn't it cross your mind that this guy is just looking for a reason to hit somebody, but this guy didn't think, did he?

Doing the Right Thing Still Leads to Dumbassery
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhX5cU465wf925u9Kl
Even when trying to do the right thing, people will still find a reason to do some dumbass stuff. These "fine" gentlemen decide to get on this guy for going to the police for something, don't know and I don't want to know. So as soon as the police leave the scene, these guys chase this dude all the way to a store and jump him in the store.

Celebrities Still have to Deal with Dumbasses
http://ilpvideo.com/video.php?v=MjYwMDI
The video picks up when Shia LaBeouf is on the ground because some guy got pissed off that Whitwickey killed Starscream in the dumbest way possible. I bet Shia was thinking, " Where the hell is Optimus Prime and Bumblebee at when I need them!" Luckily, Shia's friends or some random guys were there to stop him before he did something to screw his career up.

Biology Fight 2011
http://ilpvideo.com/video.php?v=MjU1Nzk
OK, you're sitting in class, trying to learn about what a kidney does or what Photosynthesis means and then all of the sudden, These two dumbasses decide it's time to do something that all dumbasses love to do... be dumb.

"Justin Beiber" is mean
http://ilpvideo.com/video.php?v=MjYzODY
Now it's cold and raining, but being a dumbass is here, whether rain or shine. These baby dumbasses decide to head to the roof and duke it out for no fucking reason.

Outcome From Project Showing

When I show my project. The reaction I think I'm going to get will probably be a mixture of laughter and disgust. My project is going to show what people will have to deal with in situations you would never think about having to deal with.

Fear factor = scientific method = critical thinking = a formula for creativity???

What would make a person fearful could depend on a lot of factors, some being:
- Being in a situation that you are not used to being in
- Knowing something is wrong but still doing it.
- Not knowing what can happen in a situation.

Fear is a feeling that a person gets when they are put into a situation they either feel is a threat or does not know what could happen. If a person is put into a state of fear, one of two things could happen:
- Coming face to face with it and finding out if they can handle it.

or

- Turning around and getting the fuck out of dodge and living to see another day.

Fear is a weird emotion. It's uses are varied:
- Keeping a person safe because they know that the situation can be harmful to them.
- It could be used by a person to control another person. If a person knows that they instill fear in another person, they can use that knowledge to hurt another person.

To me, if a person fears nothing, that is the one thing I fear most. A person that fears nothing, is a person that thinks they have no limits, and has no remorse for their actions. Fear gives a society a boundary that they know they should not cross.

In my life, fear tells me to make sure i'm not in a situation that I have no control over. I make sure that I'm not in a place where if shit goes down, I have no way of getting out. I used to be scared of getting to know people. I've alwaysThere are more things that fear does, but that would be a long list for another day.

Bliss

On Monday, October 10, we were given the day off to do whatever made us happy. Whether it is legal or illegal, right or wrong, that was our day to do what makes us happy. That day, I was overloaded with work, so I spent that day in the computer lab working on all the assignments to this day that are still not done, which sucks, but what am I going to do. I was invited to two parties that Saturday, so I had a decision to make, have a day of happiness and no work or stay at home and finish school work. I weighed out the pros and cons, but after a while, I just said "Fuck it, I'm partying today!" So I spent all day having fun and hanging out with friends the whole day. For the first time in a long time, I was actually having fun and not worried about school or work. I had so much fun, dancing, playing games, drinking, just letting loose. After it was all said and done, I headed home around 5 or 6 in the morning, went to bed for 4 hours and started working again.

As I was working, the thought hit me, I don't think I'll be able to have another day like that again because of school and work, FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!

Limitations

Limitations. A lot things can hold a person back, whether it be physical, mental, or your own stupidity. There are factors you can control and some factors that you can't control.

Back when I was in middle school, I had to change schools because my mother didn't like where I was headed by going to a public school. She had me transferred to a catholic school. This was nothing new to me because I went to one when I was doing 1st through 4th grade, but something about this new school didn't feel right. Going there, I was one of the only black kids there in the upper grades, was the poor kid there, so affording the school was taxing on my whole family, and it really didn't help that I felt real dumb and stupid while I was going there. While at public school, the work was so easy, but I was no where near ready for the type of classes that the catholic school gave me. The more the work came in,the more my mother wanted me to do better, the I was panicking.

I didn't think I would even get out of middle school. My good grades from public school turned into below average grades in catholic school. Looking back at it now, I'm actually glad I went through all the shit I did. If it wasn't for that, I don't know if I ever would have tested myself in school like I have been doing now.

Wait! Now I'm 55. Damn, Time Travel's a Bitch

Ok, somehow I ended up in 2042 and now I'm old and pissed off at everything. Looking back at my childhood, some of those toys primary use changed a lot.

My eyesight is not like it used to be. Everything is blurry, now I need something to fix my eyesight. I saw these old handcuffs I used to play with. I think with a little tinkering, I might be able to make my sight better.

A few hours later... Eureka! I have done it, I just converted my old handcuffs into a nice pair of glasses. It's kind of weird having paperclips on my face, but hey, you gotta work with what you got around you at the time.

Oh my back, my back. I think my back went out again and oh shit it hurts. I gotta figure something out now, because this is not going to fly. I'm looking around and I'm not seeing anything really useful, but low and behold, I just found an old necklace of mine. It's kind of small, but with some modifications, I might be able to turn this old thing into a brace. Lets keep looking for stuff, after a while, I have a necklace, an old aluminum sheet, and some suspenders, with a little elbow grease and time... Ok now I'm sitting pretty, I just made a nice looking back brace.

Let me strap this on... Oh this feels so good, now I can move around and have to worry about my back locking up on me.

Now I need to find a way to unlock this stupid door because I forgot where I put the key to the attic. Looking around, I see an old toy box. I opened it and some bugs come flying out. I tear through it and find some old X-Men Wolverine claws. They look like they're about to break apart, so it'll be easy to break them now. I broke off two of the claws and lets see if I can pick the lock. After a while the lock is done, as I go to open the door, it falls off the hinges. I wasted all that time just for it to fall off, that sucks, but at least I'm out now.

5 All Over Again

Being five years old again was a hard thing to try to reconnect with. The only things I really remember from my youth were:
1. Cartoons - Mostly X - Men, the good X - Men cartoon and old Hanna Barbera Cartoons
2. Playing games in school - Tag, cops 'n' robbers, Duck Duck Goose. Kid Shit.
3. Playing Arcade Games - X - Men arcade game. Based off this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2q5SYPbwFk
4. Art time in class - Usually ended up with more on me than on paper.

All I really did was play games and people that remembered back then said that I was a bad ass kid that always tried to hurt people. The said I use to throw cans at people for no reason and once I chased my uncle around the house with a knife or a pair of scissors. Another story was that I poured a whole bottle of cologne on a tv and messed it up permanently.

I made things that related to me back then which were:
1. A necklace of paperclips - back then we always used to chain them together to see how long we could make it before we got bored and took a nap.
2. Handcuffs - These symbolized being caught and having to stay still when playing tag and other games.
3. Claws - this reminded me of the old X - Men Cartoon and always having to be stuck using Wolverine in the Arcade game. Stupid Wolverine.

Class Memories - Sound

The main point of this project was to see if you could make some with with all of your senses, except vision. This was hard because we had to be able to visualize something without seeing it. After this project I learned that sound plays a gigantic part in anything you do really. Without sound, there really is not any feeling or emotion put into a project. Sound gives your mind cues on how you are suppose to feel during certain event. Sound can trigger a memory or thought as much as seeing something can.

Without sound, we might as well be stuck in the stone ages.

I Can't See Clearly Now!!

When I work on assignments for school or for something else, I usually play music in my background to keep my mind at ease and focused, but today, my music actually started to paint a picture while I was working. All the songs I that I listened to today painted a picture of what happened to me and my friends when I was a kid.

"It was a good day" by Ice Cube was the first song that fired up on my computer. Listening to the lyrics of the song, it brought back up memories of getting up and going through the day wondering if something bad was going to happen to me or any of my friends. Usually wake up and go hang out with friends and do stuff that we shouldn't do, but we did anyway. We'd play ball for a long time, go shoot dice or play cards or something. Usually around night they would go to clubs or parties. I was always hesitant about going because shit always seems to happen when stupid people are drunk or high and the police would always show up. One time I went with them, a fight broke out between a couple of dudes and escalated into a guy getting jumped out in the streets. He got hit over the head with a bottle and he was knocked out after that. Then somebody stomped his head and then the police storm over. As soon as everybody heard sirens, Everybody got out of dodge as quickly as they could. We all thought that nothing bad would happen to us, but the more I hung out with them, the more I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Just listening to music, I was filled with memories that were good and bad during my childhood.

SURPRISE!!!!!

When I saw what we had to do for this blog entry, it took me a while to figure what would be a good thing that's surprising. As I was hanging out with friends a couple of days ago, we played some money matches in a game called Marvel vs. Capcom 3. As I was playing and watching others play, things were going great as I had his team down to one person left against my team of three. He tried to pick and pop me until he gained his five bars for his bullshit, but I was able to get the opening I needed, but it was too late. My last hit gave him the fifth bar that lead to my destruction. My money life changed before my eyes.

This girl right here:


How can girl go from being such a nice caring person, to this:


She starts flying around throwing fireballs and shit all over the place. One character dies, I prep myself for my next guy coming in, but before I knew what hit me, flaming birds got me before I could block and now I'm bouncing all over the screen until my second guy is dead. They start to lay down traps and I'm sitting here looking confused about what's gonna happen next, my guy comes in, she teleports behind me as the traps go off, all I think is that I'm fucked.

My face changed so many ways, so quickly.

I went from:


To this:


To finally this as I realized that I just lost $50 bucks:


As I'm sitting there afterwards seeing my buddy run through everybody, matches ending with my buddy and Phoenix giving everybody a look like


I went home later to rest, but I started to look at matches of pro players playing and literally if Dark Phoenix comes out to play, you know you're fucked after that.

Here are some examples of that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2W5AUmFqDY

This is game already goes from a two - player game to a one - player game if you're playing somebody who actually knows what they are doing. I've seen people who literally made it that if they touch you once, you might as well put the controller down cause it's a wrap for you trying to come back.

There are so many examples of her ruining peoples' days, but we still come back and fight the psychotic bitch to this day. People have made ways to instantly kill her as soon as she turns, but those ways are so specific, you might as well just to kill her before she has her five bars.

This game is so full of surprises, it's sickening sometimes. I've had it where I'll dominate somebody and then it all goes awry and vice versa. That's why I love it, I've never seen such a big swing in matches like I see in MVC3 and the crowds love it.

I Remember This...

After seeing what everybody else did for their projects came to mind, I should of came up with a better idea. The first thing that came to me with the egg was food. I should kept thinking of ideas instead of settling on the first idea that came to mind. Now that I have to make something out tin foil, I messed around with it yesterday and made something, but I'll make something else as well.

The Egg and Eye

This egg has shamed me for the last time!!! This thing has brought shame to me, so I will deal with it the only way I know how...

It is time for a sacrifice, a sacrifice I say. This egg will take a trip to "Brown" town tommorow. It will make the angry gods smile again.

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Course Expectations

From being in your classes before, I can tell that things are gonna get wild and crazy. The more, the better. I can't wait to see what is in store for this semester. I expect this class to be hard at first, but after a while things are gonna click and become very fascinating and entertaining. I expect my creative juices to start flowing again. I'm gonna use this class to help me come up with a universal theme for my Capstone project.

I want this class to give my imagination and creativity the kick in the ass I need so I can start to work on a central theme for the Capstone. I've been coming up with ideas, but nothing sticks. Hopefully I can finally come up with an idea that will finally stick with me.

Catch everybody in class this semester, Peace, Love, and Hair Grease!

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